The Great Pumpkin is Real, and He Will Avenge His Doubters
By Lucas Hauser
THE PUMPKIN PATCH- A great pumpkin does not tolerate heresy, and neither should you. Despite what some children’s cartoons would have you believe, the Great Pumpkin is real, and he is more than a bit peeved. He is livid. Dripping with loathing, the character we all know and love wants to make this Halloween season a little bit spookier.
It is the collective inability of humanity to remember and respect the Great Pumpkin that motivates his revenge. It’s understandable, if you look at it objectively. Regardless, it means that humanity is absolutely doomed, on a scale and to an extent I don’t think anyone can claim to possibly comprehend. That fact is somewhat depressing, but what can you do about it? As the Inside Scoop on Reality, we thought we’d at least explain the terrible reality the government has been hiding from you for decades, even if it’s too late to do anything meaningful about it. We’re all about posterity at the Tabloid Times.
How did we get here? How did we all learn about and lose faith in the Great Pumpkin? What will his revenge tour look like? And what will he do next?
Charlie Brown: A Problematic Legacy
The children’s tale, some would even call the formative film on October 31st, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966) is simultaneously the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to the Great Pumpkin. It opens in the pumpkin patch, where Linus eagerly awaits the annual appearance of the Great Pumpkin, and depicts Linus writing his annual letter to the Great Pumpkin (have you written yours yet?).
The film brought the Great Pumpkin into the popular imagination, centering the American Halloween zeitgeist onto this mythical being and describing the ways in which we can pay homage to such a great pumpkin. Believe in him, wait in the pumpkin patch, and don’t trick-or-treat or go to any Halloween parties. In this way, Charlie Brown did the greatest service to date in history for the Great Pumpkin—elevating him to a new of awareness never previously imaginable to the tiny cohort of true followers prior to the film’s release.
However, Charles Schulz and his Peanuts characters are also the villains of this story. Everything starts right. Linus teaches us how to appease the Great Pumpkin—the necessary preconditions for receiving his gifts on Halloween night. But the show takes a dark turn. Linus is not rewarded for his devotion to the Great Pumpkin, and his good deeds go unrewarded. He is left lonely in the patch, mocked by his sister and Snoopy. The Great Pumpkin never reveals himself, and Linus is left disappointed. This gets to the whole purpose of the TV special: to brainwash the American public into thinking the Great Pumpkin is fake.
This is particularly clever psychology. By introducing the American public to the Great Pumpkin in the first place, Schulz and the Peanuts get to set make the first impression, and their narrative of denial is sadly still the dominant one today.
Big Plans in the Pumpkin Patch
You are not ready for what is about to come. If you thought you were ready, you are so incredibly wrong. It’s hilarious how wrong you would be if you believed that what is in store for humanity is anything but impending doom. I am really not sure how you could reach any other conclusion. The inexorable wrath of the Great Pumpkin will soon be upon us.
If that wasn’t clear enough by now, I am not sure how to help you. Shame on you for assuming your omniscience on these matters. Are you an expert on the Great Pumpkin? If not, shut up and take my true facts as your opinion instead of relying on your woefully ill-informed instincts that got us into this terrible mess in the first place!
We will be made to pay for our collective neglect and amnesia of the most important Autumn-themed celestial being. The Great Pumpkin is taking notice. He’s taking names. He has a plan: a despotic, demonic, apocalyptic plan for humanity.
It’s too late for repentance or reconciliatory revelations. The time for that is well past. Belief in the Great Pumpkin now, coming only the specter of inevitable global suffering, comes from a place of fear and regret instead of steadfast true belief. There’s a difference, and the Great Pumpkin is no fool. Authenticity matters, and realizations today can’t make up for the pain of past ignorance.
What could this revenge look like? I tremble at the thought. The Great Pumpkin has powers beyond our wildest fears. Instead of rising from the pumpkin patch and bringing toys to faithful children, the Great Pumpkin is going to give humanity the punishment it deserves: leveling cities, vaporizing candy, and making everything pumpkin spice flavored year-round.
Terrifying, isn’t it? You should be ashamed, scared, and remorseful. But don’t forget that it’s too late for remorse, so don’t worry about that one too much. Focus on shame and fear. It’s healthier that way, anyways. Enjoy your Halloween. It will be your last.
It is the collective inability of humanity to remember and respect the Great Pumpkin that motivates his revenge. It’s understandable, if you look at it objectively. Regardless, it means that humanity is absolutely doomed, on a scale and to an extent I don’t think anyone can claim to possibly comprehend. That fact is somewhat depressing, but what can you do about it? As the Inside Scoop on Reality, we thought we’d at least explain the terrible reality the government has been hiding from you for decades, even if it’s too late to do anything meaningful about it. We’re all about posterity at the Tabloid Times.
How did we get here? How did we all learn about and lose faith in the Great Pumpkin? What will his revenge tour look like? And what will he do next?
Charlie Brown: A Problematic Legacy
The children’s tale, some would even call the formative film on October 31st, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966) is simultaneously the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to the Great Pumpkin. It opens in the pumpkin patch, where Linus eagerly awaits the annual appearance of the Great Pumpkin, and depicts Linus writing his annual letter to the Great Pumpkin (have you written yours yet?).
The film brought the Great Pumpkin into the popular imagination, centering the American Halloween zeitgeist onto this mythical being and describing the ways in which we can pay homage to such a great pumpkin. Believe in him, wait in the pumpkin patch, and don’t trick-or-treat or go to any Halloween parties. In this way, Charlie Brown did the greatest service to date in history for the Great Pumpkin—elevating him to a new of awareness never previously imaginable to the tiny cohort of true followers prior to the film’s release.
However, Charles Schulz and his Peanuts characters are also the villains of this story. Everything starts right. Linus teaches us how to appease the Great Pumpkin—the necessary preconditions for receiving his gifts on Halloween night. But the show takes a dark turn. Linus is not rewarded for his devotion to the Great Pumpkin, and his good deeds go unrewarded. He is left lonely in the patch, mocked by his sister and Snoopy. The Great Pumpkin never reveals himself, and Linus is left disappointed. This gets to the whole purpose of the TV special: to brainwash the American public into thinking the Great Pumpkin is fake.
This is particularly clever psychology. By introducing the American public to the Great Pumpkin in the first place, Schulz and the Peanuts get to set make the first impression, and their narrative of denial is sadly still the dominant one today.
Big Plans in the Pumpkin Patch
You are not ready for what is about to come. If you thought you were ready, you are so incredibly wrong. It’s hilarious how wrong you would be if you believed that what is in store for humanity is anything but impending doom. I am really not sure how you could reach any other conclusion. The inexorable wrath of the Great Pumpkin will soon be upon us.
If that wasn’t clear enough by now, I am not sure how to help you. Shame on you for assuming your omniscience on these matters. Are you an expert on the Great Pumpkin? If not, shut up and take my true facts as your opinion instead of relying on your woefully ill-informed instincts that got us into this terrible mess in the first place!
We will be made to pay for our collective neglect and amnesia of the most important Autumn-themed celestial being. The Great Pumpkin is taking notice. He’s taking names. He has a plan: a despotic, demonic, apocalyptic plan for humanity.
It’s too late for repentance or reconciliatory revelations. The time for that is well past. Belief in the Great Pumpkin now, coming only the specter of inevitable global suffering, comes from a place of fear and regret instead of steadfast true belief. There’s a difference, and the Great Pumpkin is no fool. Authenticity matters, and realizations today can’t make up for the pain of past ignorance.
What could this revenge look like? I tremble at the thought. The Great Pumpkin has powers beyond our wildest fears. Instead of rising from the pumpkin patch and bringing toys to faithful children, the Great Pumpkin is going to give humanity the punishment it deserves: leveling cities, vaporizing candy, and making everything pumpkin spice flavored year-round.
Terrifying, isn’t it? You should be ashamed, scared, and remorseful. But don’t forget that it’s too late for remorse, so don’t worry about that one too much. Focus on shame and fear. It’s healthier that way, anyways. Enjoy your Halloween. It will be your last.
Last-Minute Costume Ideas!
By Matthew Hauser
In these especially trying times, not all of us will have the necessary time, money, or energy to put together what society has deemed a “good” costume for Halloween. At another time I can go at length about why the “holiday” is actually a creation of the elite hyper-intelligent rabbits who run our society from the shadows (as we all know, haven’t you ever thought about the Easter Bunny? See what I mean?), but I will save that for another time. In the face of society’s entirely unfair and burdensome expectations, you may have to scramble for a costume for “Trick-or-treating” (a concept created by Big Costume and the friendly neighbor lobby). Here are some ideas that will be a “smash” at any Halloween party and easy to do:
- Bedsheet Ghost. We’ve all seen Charlie Brown! Half the characters are bedsheet ghosts. This one is easy and fun. Afterwards, make sure to put the sheet back on your bed, otherwise you won’t have a sheet to sleep with for the night (made that mistake before, the cold night of October 31st, 1994).
- "Backwards Man." The basic level of this one is just walking backwards. You can also wear your clothes backwards, say your sentences backwards, eat candy backwards (someone might have to unwrap it for you to make this work because it’s just wrapping up candy). There’s no end to the number of ways you could play this angle up.
- Go as your car! Admit it: a car would be a pretty cool costume. But the real thing is even cooler. Here’s how to do it: just drive around in your car! Works best if your Halloween party is in a garage.
- General Services Administration Junior Auditor for Facilities Management (in Spokane, WA). This one works better if you already have the job, and it is quite scary!
- Iron Man (with fully-functioning suit). If you have an extra minute or two, learn to fly!
- Your Credit Card Number. Write it out on a white T-shirt for everyone to see. Don’t forget the three numbers on the back and expiration date! Be careful though, if your costume is perceived as too cool, your card may be “declined” at your friend’s Halloween party.
Why does the Sun Wear Sunglasses?
A Closer Look at the Center of Our Solar System
A Closer Look at the Center of Our Solar System
By Kate Hauser
We all know children are our future. This fact becomes even more apparent when we realize that the older you get (farther and farther away from being a child), the less of a future you have. The truth hurts sometimes. However, we tend to underestimate the intelligence of the kids in our lives, based on nonsensical ageist ideas such as “IQ”, “life experience”, and “wisdom”.
When we turn a blind eye to the brilliance of our youth (do you get it) (they’re so bright that we’re blinded) (please laugh), we ignore the keen observations that they make about our world, and we shun them simply because they are different from what we have been lead to believe by the “government”. Which happens to be filled with old men. Just saying.
Have you ever noticed that when kids draw the sun, it almost always sports a pair of incredibly fashionable and super cool sunglasses. If you think about it in the way that is deemed “socially acceptable”, the sun wearing sunglasses is completely nonsensical- why would the SUN need SUNglasses? For itself? Unfortunately, that kind of narrow-minded thinking has led us down a dark, dingy, and unilluminated path. This thinking has fueled the idea that there is only one sun, which is not only a lie, but also makes no sense.
I have provided a handy and dandy list for your convenience:
- The Sun needs vacation time, too. Think about it. What if you were on the clock 24/7/365? You would never complain about your 9 to 5 again! As well as not being sustainable or at all reasonable, working 24 hours a day 100% of the time feeds into the workaholic culture that the world needs less of. Just thinking about working that hard gives me a headache. Next point!
- It's literally impossible. Obviously, it’s not day for all of the Earth at the same time, because time zones (which are a hoax, but that’s a story for another time). Which means that for half of the Earth it’s day, and for the other half, it’s night. The sun could not possibly cover both halves- it would have to do a magical switcheroo kind of situation, which is so not a thing that the sun can do. Because duh.
- Even the Sun can't be on ALL the time. It’s always day for somebody, so the sun would have to be on constantly, and then it would overheat and explode and everybody would die. And that hasn’t happened, so clearly there must be another sun that jumps in and takes over.
- It just makes sense.
‘Nuff said.
Make Your House SCARIER This Halloween!
The Inside Scoop on Fear with Mason L. Cook and Lucas Hauser
Kids avoiding your house due to lameness? Neighbor’s house scarier again? Tired of hearing your grandmother come over and complain that they don’t have their heart stop from terror immediately upon crossing you property line? Well fear not dear reader! For we have some quick tips and tricks that will make your house more terrifying than a Floridian complaining about the humidity:
- Put a scary skeleton at your front door. Nothing says Halloween like this classic decoration! Some freaky fun for the whole family.
- Play “Thriller” nonstop from very loud speakers. The song should be playing continuously 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Everyone will love it! You’ll probably get so used to it that you won’t even hear it after a while. This would go over well with your neighbors and be so scary for all involved!
- Replace your yard with quicksand. The kids are gonna love this one. A fun little booby trap would really spice things up! Can’t miss.
- Cover your driveway in shards of glass. The fragments should be of varying sizes and sharpness, and the layer of glass should be complete for maximum scariness. If they can get to your front door, trick-or-treaters will be thoroughly spooked!
- Flood your bathroom for weeks on end so you get a nasty mold infestation and wood begins to rot. This may not be evidently obvious from the outside (but bonus points if you can make it that way), but it's sure to scare people who notice!
- Threatening signs always work! Here you can get very creative. “Stay off the lawn.” “Danger: watch for dog.” “I will turn you in to the IRS.” “I voted for Nader and am mighty proud.” Anything that could really make people think twice! Convince them you mean it and are a little off your rocker and you’ve got this one down good.
- Recruit a monster to attack passers-by. The monster should be large, angry, and dangerous. You can warn people but the fear factor is better when they are mauled as a surprise.
- Put dark wood cabinets in the kitchen. The horror. The horror. The absolute horror!
How to Pinch Your Pennies
Getting Bang for your Buck in Times of Inflation
Getting Bang for your Buck in Times of Inflation
By Lucas Hauser
It’s ubiquitous. You notice it everywhere you go. The grocery store, a restaurant, the gas station. Prices are rising faster than they have in decades. Inflation is forcing us all to make tough choices with our money, recognizing that it doesn’t go as far as it used to. I was forced to decide between my electric bill and filling an in-ground pool with orange juice for my backyard. I made the only choice I could, which is why I’m writing this at the library (they have lights there) (the citrus industry needs help).
In times like this, it can feel overwhelming. Where can I cut costs? How do I make the numbers add up?
Luckily for you, the Tabloid Times Economic Research team is here to help, and it is led by none other than our very own world-renowned economist, Dr. Yannoiji. Yannoiji emphasizes to readers that the key to fighting the pinch of inflation on your pocketbook is to look for cheaper alternatives to expensive products and services.
Making budgets add up comes down to one of either two problems: a spending problem or an income problem. Dr. Yannoiji suggests spending less and increasing your income to balance your budget. That is easier said than done, of course! Keep reading for tips and tricks for how to get it done that you can only find in the Inside Scoop on Reality.
Dr. Yannoiji has been generous enough to compile his suggestions into a handy list for our readers of five tips for cutting costs in times of rising prices:
1. Don’t flush the toilet. Don’t shower. Save money on that expensive water bill! It’s all about cutting down on the wants and focusing on your needs. Flushing the toilet (wasteful) and showering (was never necessary) burn through cash quickly. If you do shower (not advisable), use cold water. And don’t be a spendthrift who blows it all on soap.
2. Eat cardboard. It’s so cheap! And with a little butter when it’s warm, the flavor is actually quite pleasant. Replace your carbs with cardboard! You could even order extra passages online from Amazon or something if you run out of cardboard at home (although paper is a good substitute).
3. Drive no more than 20 miles per hour. Relentless intensity and drive is require to accomplish your financial goals. Focus that energy on driving really, really slow and saving money on gas. 20 mph is a good ceiling to shoot for, but if you can handle 15 or 10 mph as your maximum speed, more power to you!
4. Don’t sleep. That’s time you could spend saving money.
5. Don’t use coupons. Stores have to charge higher prices to then afford to print and give out coupons. If everyone stops using them, prices go down for everyone. We should also collectively stop buying items on sale to create the same effect. Power to the people!
Dr. Yannoiji also recognizes that cutting costs is really hard. It’s not easy, and the sacrifices hurt. For example, I had to decide between paying my electric bill or buying a new collection of stamps that look like rocks (I am writing this in the dark). If changing spending patterns alone cannot balance your budget, Dr. Yannoiji has five more tips for how to increase your income and get the cashflow working for you:
1. Trade in your savings for lottery tickets. Let’s face it: with costs rising and savings dwindling, your savings don’t go as far as they used to. So don’t even bother! Cash out all your savings accounts, your 401k, and buy something that could give you a real return on investment: lottery tickets. Since the saved money wasn’t as good anyways, there’s really no way you can lose here.
2. Build your own combustion engine for various purposes, start a business. This one may sound complicated, but it’s totally worth it. Don’t think about the challenge, think about the reward. If you can’t do this, you really shouldn’t even bother saving money at all.
3. Turn your kitchen into a restaurant! This one has “star-potential” written all over it. Innovation is the American way. Embrace it in your own home!
4. Start a hedge fund. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
5. Fly First Class Delta Rewards Flier Club™. Okay, this isn’t directly related to inflation or income, but the deals are so good we couldn’t not talk about this.
Remember to not go overboard on the thriftiness. It can get out of hand if you’re not careful. You need to live, after all. That’s why Dr. Yannoiji also recommends timeshares, remodeling your kitchen, and buying cars! Reward yourself with $8 coffees for every day you save money because even the best of us need that morning caffeine dose!
We hope that these tips from the greatest minds the world has to offer can help transform your financial life. Also remember that the number one rule of personal finance is to have fun and be yourself? Okay bye thanks for reading! Seeya!
In times like this, it can feel overwhelming. Where can I cut costs? How do I make the numbers add up?
Luckily for you, the Tabloid Times Economic Research team is here to help, and it is led by none other than our very own world-renowned economist, Dr. Yannoiji. Yannoiji emphasizes to readers that the key to fighting the pinch of inflation on your pocketbook is to look for cheaper alternatives to expensive products and services.
Making budgets add up comes down to one of either two problems: a spending problem or an income problem. Dr. Yannoiji suggests spending less and increasing your income to balance your budget. That is easier said than done, of course! Keep reading for tips and tricks for how to get it done that you can only find in the Inside Scoop on Reality.
Dr. Yannoiji has been generous enough to compile his suggestions into a handy list for our readers of five tips for cutting costs in times of rising prices:
1. Don’t flush the toilet. Don’t shower. Save money on that expensive water bill! It’s all about cutting down on the wants and focusing on your needs. Flushing the toilet (wasteful) and showering (was never necessary) burn through cash quickly. If you do shower (not advisable), use cold water. And don’t be a spendthrift who blows it all on soap.
2. Eat cardboard. It’s so cheap! And with a little butter when it’s warm, the flavor is actually quite pleasant. Replace your carbs with cardboard! You could even order extra passages online from Amazon or something if you run out of cardboard at home (although paper is a good substitute).
3. Drive no more than 20 miles per hour. Relentless intensity and drive is require to accomplish your financial goals. Focus that energy on driving really, really slow and saving money on gas. 20 mph is a good ceiling to shoot for, but if you can handle 15 or 10 mph as your maximum speed, more power to you!
4. Don’t sleep. That’s time you could spend saving money.
5. Don’t use coupons. Stores have to charge higher prices to then afford to print and give out coupons. If everyone stops using them, prices go down for everyone. We should also collectively stop buying items on sale to create the same effect. Power to the people!
Dr. Yannoiji also recognizes that cutting costs is really hard. It’s not easy, and the sacrifices hurt. For example, I had to decide between paying my electric bill or buying a new collection of stamps that look like rocks (I am writing this in the dark). If changing spending patterns alone cannot balance your budget, Dr. Yannoiji has five more tips for how to increase your income and get the cashflow working for you:
1. Trade in your savings for lottery tickets. Let’s face it: with costs rising and savings dwindling, your savings don’t go as far as they used to. So don’t even bother! Cash out all your savings accounts, your 401k, and buy something that could give you a real return on investment: lottery tickets. Since the saved money wasn’t as good anyways, there’s really no way you can lose here.
2. Build your own combustion engine for various purposes, start a business. This one may sound complicated, but it’s totally worth it. Don’t think about the challenge, think about the reward. If you can’t do this, you really shouldn’t even bother saving money at all.
3. Turn your kitchen into a restaurant! This one has “star-potential” written all over it. Innovation is the American way. Embrace it in your own home!
4. Start a hedge fund. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
5. Fly First Class Delta Rewards Flier Club™. Okay, this isn’t directly related to inflation or income, but the deals are so good we couldn’t not talk about this.
Remember to not go overboard on the thriftiness. It can get out of hand if you’re not careful. You need to live, after all. That’s why Dr. Yannoiji also recommends timeshares, remodeling your kitchen, and buying cars! Reward yourself with $8 coffees for every day you save money because even the best of us need that morning caffeine dose!
We hope that these tips from the greatest minds the world has to offer can help transform your financial life. Also remember that the number one rule of personal finance is to have fun and be yourself? Okay bye thanks for reading! Seeya!
OPINION: We think this is okay?
An Alternative Take on Halloween
An Alternative Take on Halloween
By Lucas Hauser
We have been brainwashed. The satanic collusion of government and Illuminati has made us all unthinking sheep. We accept it as normal, and even celebrate the horror of it all, doing the dirty work for the evil and alien forces bent on perpetuating the bizarre and inhuman tradition of what we have been trained to call “Halloween.”
Take a step back and reexamine what we take for granted as being acceptable. Halloween has us all, including very young children, dress up in the most ghastly costumes imaginable. What are we encouraging with this? What are we allowing? It is okay to go around your neighborhood terrorizing everyone in sight? Scariness is emphasized. Fear is embraced. We disguise ourselves, anonymously presenting ourselves as the very monsters that have so secretly taken control of our society-- vampires, werewolves, and aliens. It is only logical that Halloween is orchestrated by and for the benefit of these villains. And we think it’s all about the candy. Let’s take a look at that.
The nature of “trick-or-treating” indicates what Halloween is all about: celebrating the terrible and teaching our children dependence on the government and its dastardly handouts. It’s socialism in its purest form; do no work and expect to be rewarded. Maybe, if we made these kids put in an honest day’s work before asking for candy, this holiday could be salvaged. Otherwise, this is socialist brainwashing to create dependence, candy addiction, and a handout-seeking future. I will not yield! No candy will be given out on my front step!
We need to critically review Halloween, its place in our society, and our unthinking embrace of it. We are promoting fear. We are caving to the will of the shadowy forces that have ruined our society (and aliens). The aliens disguise themselves as humans to control us through candy (filled with mind control chemicals). They are in an alliance with werewolves and vampires. Both categories of monsters work for the Illuminati, making us focus on the monsters that could bite us as opposed to the ones pulling the strings from behind closed doors. As a reward for their diversionary efforts, the aliens will soon be handsomely rewarding the werewolves and vampires for their service to the cause.
Our only hope is to fight back, and to not let fear get the best of us. Your mind has been liberated by this Tabloid Times expose. Only you can change what happens next.
Take a step back and reexamine what we take for granted as being acceptable. Halloween has us all, including very young children, dress up in the most ghastly costumes imaginable. What are we encouraging with this? What are we allowing? It is okay to go around your neighborhood terrorizing everyone in sight? Scariness is emphasized. Fear is embraced. We disguise ourselves, anonymously presenting ourselves as the very monsters that have so secretly taken control of our society-- vampires, werewolves, and aliens. It is only logical that Halloween is orchestrated by and for the benefit of these villains. And we think it’s all about the candy. Let’s take a look at that.
The nature of “trick-or-treating” indicates what Halloween is all about: celebrating the terrible and teaching our children dependence on the government and its dastardly handouts. It’s socialism in its purest form; do no work and expect to be rewarded. Maybe, if we made these kids put in an honest day’s work before asking for candy, this holiday could be salvaged. Otherwise, this is socialist brainwashing to create dependence, candy addiction, and a handout-seeking future. I will not yield! No candy will be given out on my front step!
We need to critically review Halloween, its place in our society, and our unthinking embrace of it. We are promoting fear. We are caving to the will of the shadowy forces that have ruined our society (and aliens). The aliens disguise themselves as humans to control us through candy (filled with mind control chemicals). They are in an alliance with werewolves and vampires. Both categories of monsters work for the Illuminati, making us focus on the monsters that could bite us as opposed to the ones pulling the strings from behind closed doors. As a reward for their diversionary efforts, the aliens will soon be handsomely rewarding the werewolves and vampires for their service to the cause.
Our only hope is to fight back, and to not let fear get the best of us. Your mind has been liberated by this Tabloid Times expose. Only you can change what happens next.
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CREDITS FOR THIS EDITION
Written By: Lucas Hauser, Matthew Hauser, Mason Cook, Anton Sheridan-Kuchmek, and Kate Hauser at the Tabloid Times HQ In C--------a* (Redacted)
Other Inspiration From: Mrs. Forte, Mr. Moore, and Reality
Other Credits to: Dr. Froidni, Dr. Yannoiji, Dr. Cohohoini, Dr. Gudoydji, Doyble Doyblee, Nancy Pseudonym, and Dan Nushroom
Sponsors: Spooky Law Center, SSN Fraudsters United, Satanic Saturday Foundation, Cardboard Hoarders of America, the Great Pumpkin, Disney.
Written By: Lucas Hauser, Matthew Hauser, Mason Cook, Anton Sheridan-Kuchmek, and Kate Hauser at the Tabloid Times HQ In C--------a* (Redacted)
Other Inspiration From: Mrs. Forte, Mr. Moore, and Reality
Other Credits to: Dr. Froidni, Dr. Yannoiji, Dr. Cohohoini, Dr. Gudoydji, Doyble Doyblee, Nancy Pseudonym, and Dan Nushroom
Sponsors: Spooky Law Center, SSN Fraudsters United, Satanic Saturday Foundation, Cardboard Hoarders of America, the Great Pumpkin, Disney.